Long-distance relationship due to the Corona crisis: “Creating new rituals together” | Right away

Some couples are overwhelmed by a new reality: the long-distance relationship. Perhaps one of them is still stuck abroad. Or is your other part of the risk group. How do you deal with the distance when you were used to seeing yourself?

Joey (Last name known to the editors) lives in Amsterdam, his girlfriend lives in Brabant. Although there is a lot to travel in the Netherlands, the two have not seen each other for months. “She has asthma and is a risk group,” he says. They prefer to take the thing for the unknown. “We think it’s going so well. We call each other five times a day.”

Make appointments

Expectations for a long-distance relationship can vary widely, says relationship expert Cocky Drost. “One thinks you call enough once a week, the other wants app all day. The key concept is: love of attention. Make sure you know what’s important to the other person and talk about it. For example, tell your loved one: I like it when you call every day.”

“If you can’t see yourself, you have room to deal with the question: What does our relationship have when we’re not together?”

Cocky Drost

“I feel like our bond has become stronger because of the distance,” Joey says of his long-distance relationship. “I think because we have other conversations on the phone.”

An unexpected long-distance relationship can shed new light on relationships. “If you can’t see yourself, you have room to deal with the question: What does our relationship have when we’re not together?”

It’s something couples should ask themselves more often, Drost says. “The core of a good relationship is that you feel connected even when you’re not together. This type of connection can become particularly strong by missing each other, or it may turn out that this was not strong at all.”

“We listen to music together, we sing together. Sometimes we discuss the news, or we read each other from love books.”

Joey

Embrace the pain

‘The hardest thing is I can’t grab them. That’s one of the first things I’m going to do when I see them again,” Joey says. “I miss them every day, but the evenings are the hardest,” he says. “What I like is that you can see through the distance how much fun the little things can be in life.”

Occasionally to linger on the pain of absence is good, drost emphasizes. “The connection is precisely because you think of each other. People can also think: it hurts to think of the other, so I put it away. But then the connection disappears. So keep thinking about each other, even if it hurts,” advises drost.

Create new rituals

Because of the Corona crisis, Joey has found inventive solutions to keep his relationship at bay. “We listen to music together, we sing together. Sometimes we discuss the news, or we read each other from love books.” For him, this does not have to stop after the crisis. “We want to keep the musical part in it.”

Drost recommends the creation of new common rituals with all my heart. “For example, agree to have a virtual glass of wine together every Saturday afternoon,” she says. “Go bingo together and online. Or look for a course that you can attend online together.” The relationship expert also advises facing a new challenge: “Write a letter to each other and send it, especially if the writing is not for you. Do it because you know it makes others happy.”